Who am I? Part 2

Originally published 7/2/10 on Blogger:

 

My getting more organized lately has been part of an ‘identity’ crisis – I have been pondering my purpose/mission/goals/etc lately and have not gotten far. See, I used to be the kind of gal who would get lots of things done, who was on this committee and that committee, organizing events left and right. You know the type…seemingly, almost annoyingly, on top of things to a T.

Well, I am definitely NOT on top of things anymore. For awhile I thought it was because of an incident that occured back in the spring of 2007. But now that’s been 3 years, so I can’t blame that anymore. Then I was thinking it was because of the new little guy in our clan. But he’s 20 months old now, so I can’t blame it on him anymore either. I’ve run out of things to put the blame on and am left only with myself. That is never good – or fun, for that matter. Because then the questions start….

So am I just getting older and wiser and know how to better discern what I should be doing? Or am I getting lazy and that’s why I don’t do as much as I used to?

Have I turned into this shy, scared person or am I just leary of opening up to people because of past hurts done to me?

Who am I becoming? Who do I WANT to become?

Why do I feel so off-kilter still?

How can I get back to how I was….or should I even be trying to do that? I certainly don’t want to be like the star quarterback from high school still trying to live out the glory days 20 years later. haha

How can I BEST use my gifts/talents for the Lord? How can I BEST serve in my home, church and community? I only have so much time…

What do you do when the questions attack you? Do you talk it out with someone close to you or to lots of different people? Do you retaliate with the promises of God? Do you just ignore them and plug ahead, losing yourself in the busyness of each day?

Posted by amyodland

Who am I? Part 1

Originally published 6/16/10 on Blogger:

 

FINALLY…I am getting on here to write a post! In my lackadaisical writing, I have at least noticed a pattern – I think of something to write about, talk it out in my head, and then never take the time to sit down and write it out. If I’d posted all the things I’d thought of in the last two weeks, I would definitely have more than ‘2’ posts for June at this point. Needless to say, I have developed quite a respect for those who blog regularly. 🙂 I wonder if they make Metamucil for blogging? Then maybe I’d be more regular…. haha

I have been trying to get more organized lately. Yes, me getting more organized. Those who know me well might say I am a ‘BO’, or Born-Organized as the Flylady calls it, and that I don’t need to get “more” organized. Well, let’s just say being married to a not-naturally-organized man for 15 years has had an effect on me. He’s rubbed off on me a bit and I’m not nearly as organized as I used to be. AND, in all honesty, I am only ‘mostly organized’…there are things I’m great at organizing and then there are things I have trouble getting/staying organized with. For example I’ve always struggled with paper things…where to put this, where to put that, and golly, if it’s really important I better leave it in this pile here so I don’t forget about it. If I put it away in a folder it could become a victim of “Out of sight, out of mind” and not get paid on time, dealt with on time, filed in the right place. I’ve also become more of a ‘I’ll put it here for now and deal with it later’ kind of person….and that’s thanks to Rick-o. Happy Anniversary honey!! haha

Anyway, I’ve been reading “Secrets to Getting More Done in Less Time” by Donna Otto and found the most interesting concept in there. She had me write down my priorities…things only I, Amy, could do. Here they are:

– I alone am responsible for my relationship with God.

– I alone am responsible for who I am. I have to provide myself with the intellectual and spiritula stimulation to become all that I can be.

– I alone can be Rick’s wife. Other people will be his friends, his colleagues, his teachers but I am the only one who can love and care for him as his wife.

– I alone can be A, B, and S’s mother. Other people will influence their lives, but only I can give them a mother’s love and care and thereby fulfill my responsiblity to them.

– I alone can manage my household. I might have a housekeeper or a husband who helps around the house. Nevertheless, I am ultimately responsible for managing my household.

– I alone can be Joan’s daughter, Kris’ sister, and other relationships to family members.

– I alone can take care of the books for the clinic. No one else can do my job for me – it is my responsibility to see that the clinic isn’t losing money because of late bills, employees, etc.

I found this very helpful…to refocus on what only I can do. It is so easy to get distracted with or pulled away by the many other things that need doing – do you struggle with this as well? But there are things OTHER people can do; things that I don’t absolutely need to do. In the past, when I found myself having to decide on adding something new to my ‘plate’ of responsibilities, I would remember my saying ‘yes’ to the something else was saying ‘no’ to another thing (and that usually ended up being our family or my responsibilities at home – is it that way for you too?). So now I can think of saying ‘no’ to new opportunities that may come my way as me in actuality saying ‘yes’ to my list of priorities.

I challenge you to make a list of priorities…things only YOU can do. And then, to remember that list the next time you’re tempted to seek out recognition through your accomplishments, seek fulfillment through a social life, or seek to prove you’re ‘Super-Woman’ by adding one more responsibility to your already overloaded plate.

To Be Continued… (hopefully sooner than later)

Posted by amyodland

Water: The Communal Life (Essentials Formation)

Originally published 3/31/10 on Blogger:

 

For: The Essentials Formation Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt

My answers to Dan’s questions:

1) I have tried to build water into my life by being water to others (mostly on Facebook, the phone, or email due to being at home with ‘little man’ and being busy with house projects…more on that later). But, in reflection of the material this week, I realize I maybe haven’t been as deep of water as I should be. And, I may have even been some stinky, stale water at some points too. I think I’m speaking into people’s lives, but not as well as I could – due to time constraints and busyness I’m not able to get as deep of relationships as I should or pursue new relationships as much as I should.

I have also noticed the lack of water coming into my life. My husband is my primary source of water, which I know is good to a point, but some bad reasons were brought up this week that brought my attention to the lack of water coming from other sources. I was actually reflecting on this before I’d read/listened to/watched the material….that I have a lack of Titus 2 women speaking into my life right now. I have no older women mentoring me, seeking me out, or speaking into my life.  In the past month, I’ve even tried to pursue getting together with a couple of different older women and nothing has panned out. What is up with that, God?? If I didn’t have the resource of online ministries like Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss speaking into my life, I would be S-U-N-K!

2) In the next 5 years….well, I have a feeling I might again be in a similar position I am in now because we are talking about adding kid #4 to the family. But, I do know that my husband has talked about having more people over once our basement is finished (during this class we have gotten the drywall done, most of the painting done and he is now working on staining and hanging trim, so we are getting closer than we’ve been in the 10 years we’ve lived here). So I do know the immediate future does have more community in store for me! We have people from church, people from the kids’ school, kids’ friends, etc. we’ve wanted to have over for some time and the house has been a wreck because nothing can be downstairs while we’re working and everything from downstairs doesn’t fit upstairs with all the upstairs stuff!! Aaaak! Haha

3) My greatest challenge is opening up too much too quickly. I have learned I need to exercise restraint in certain things, especially because of my husband’s job (he’s a chiropractor), and also because he likes to be more on the private, quiet, side of the spectrum. So I have to find the balance between saying enough that I invite openness from whomever I’m in community with and saying too much that I end up betraying my husband’s confidence. (Prov 31:11 – The heart of her husband trusts in her…)

Posted by amyodland

Fire: An Empowered Life (Essentials Formation)

Originally published 3/26/10 on Blogger:

 

For: The Essentials Formation Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt

When I think of the element of Fire, I go immediately in my mind to scenes from the movie “Backdraft.” I don’t have enough of my own experiences with fire except for the occasional extremely safe campfire…well, except for that one time when I was probably 9 or so and tried to start some Kleenex’s on fire in my metal Strawberry Shortcake garbage can in my bedroom just to see what would happen. Let’s just say it didn’t go as well as I’d thought it would – the melted/burned carpet underneath was a permanent witness that needed silencing (by never moving the can from that spot) to keep my brief slip into pyromania a secret.

Anyway, there is a scene in Backdraft when the fire is creeping along the ceiling. I can’t remember much else about the movie, or even about the other details of the scene, but I do remember the mystery of how fire works being enlarged for me during that moment. Much like this the mystery of how spiritual ‘fire’ spreads. Dan spoke in the video of how when we live the empowered life, the fire in us will actually spread and create little fires all around us. How does this happen? I can understand the ‘wind’ analogy for the Spirit of God…that it will go where it wants, that you can hear it but not tell where it comes from or where it goes. Maybe that’s easier to understand because we have quite a bit of wind here in South Dakota. But fire – how does spiritual fire spread? I don’t understand fire quite as much! Maybe it’s time to dig out the old Strawberry Shortcake garbage can to get a better understanding….or maybe I’ll just go to www.crosswalk.com intead. 🙂

A quick study on fire and Spirit brings up the following:

In Matthew and Luke 3, John the Baptist says (of Jesus), “He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.”

In Acts 2:3-4, “They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.”

In the middle of his short, quick commands in 1 Thessolonians 5, Paul says, “Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt.”

Some basics we know: the Spirit is placed inside us when we start to follow Jesus and make Him Lord of our life; the Spirit is like a fire burning inside us; God guides us through that Spirit; and God moves in mysterious ways. Okay, so that was easier than I thought. A+B+C=D It’s nice when all that Algebra I studied so many years ago proves itself useful. But seriously, I know I’m not going to completely understand “C” in this life and I’m okay with that.

The basic message of this week was that in order to live the empowered life, we need to be receiving our ‘gasoline’, or power, from God and His Word just as fire receives its power from oxygen (or gas). We need to do what Jesus did in Matthew 4, as Dan mentioned, when he drew His power from the words of the OT to fight against the temptation of the devi – we need to combat the devil’s lies and attempts to snuff out our fire with the truths of God and with His mighty power.

Ephesians 6:10-18a

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

And when we do that, others will catch the fire of truth and be empowered in their walk with the Lord. I do think the song says it best! Here’s a video presentation with Kathy Tricolli’s version from her Greatest Hits Album.

But the only way we can “hold out our candle for all to see” and “go light our world” is if we let others get close enough to us to catch a spark from our flame!

Posted by amyodland

Wind: The Inspired Life 2 (Essentials Formation)

Originially published 3/21/10 on Blogger:

 

For: The Essentials Formation Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt

Yesterday was my grandpa’s funeral. He had a very full life, living to be 91 years old, so it was more of a celebration of his life (as some so endearingly call funerals). My grandma, his wife, passed away 17 years ago and since then it seemed as though he was on pause, that he wanted to be with her more than he wanted to be here. I know he often wondered why God had taken her so early and kept him here so long. So, he finally got his wish – to be with Grandma.

With all of my thoughts on life and death this past week, I’ve had the idea that this post needed to be some great, theological, insightful writing that people would ‘oooo’ and ‘ahhh’ over. 🙂 But, I haven’t had the brain power (due to lack of sleep) or the time (due to helping my widowed mom with the passing of her widowed dad) to get anything down on my blog, much less have it turn out to be the awesome entry I’d built it up to be! haha

I will say, though, that I can see more clearly the purpose of my life, the purpose of being a child of God. Our pastor has been preaching through Matthew in recent weeks and today we were in 5:13-16; he focused on the idea of us being the ‘salt and light’ of the world. There was a point yesterday at the funeral when I was trying to juggle 8 people and their needs at once – my mom, my 16 mos old, my husband and older kids (who were watching the 16 mos old) and my brother and his family (who wasn’t feeling well and arrived at the church right before the service started). To my amazement, I handled it very well and calmly…which HAD to have been the Spirit working in me because I haven’t had a stressful moment like that go smoothly for quite awhile. I had prayed to be a witness to my family during the time of the funeral and other activities that go along with it so I was thankful God provided what I needed to be that witness and to care for the needs of my family (mom and bro included) during the funeral yesterday.

Most of us have heard a lesson on this verse about ‘salt and light’…the thing that always jumps out at me when talking about being salt and it’s many uses, is that salt is used as a ‘flavor booster’, to make food taste better. If I would like to be ‘salt’, I need to make others’ lives better; I need to touch them in a way that leaves them better off than they were before they came into contact with me. That may manifest itself in different ways, depending on what is needed and what the person is going through – a friendly face smiling at them, a kind gesture, a helping hand, an instruction or exhortation, a rebuke or hard lesson, or even a discipline or truthful word that is needed for growth.

To apply this idea of being the salt of the earth to this week’s lesson about the spiritual element of ‘wind’…I not only need to remember to take time to catch my own wind, to inspire myself to continue running the race of faith, but I also need to look for ways, when I am serving others, to be their wind (or salt) of inspiration to continue fighting the good fight. How can I continually balance the taking care of others with the caring for myself without focusing too much on either? Out of the two, I think I get the short end of the stick most of the time – I know I need to keep my own cup full in order to be able to share the overflow with others but it always seems like I’m last on the list and by the time the end of the list gets here, I’m too ___________(fill in the blank).

Let’s see…most of us have salt shakers on the table, reminding us at meal time that better tasting food is just a shake away. Why not put something in front of myself to remind me to grab some wind now and then; that an inspired spiritual life is just a ‘gust’ away? I’ve found the wind-themed picture of the sailboat to use as a visual cue this week. With it on my desktop and also on my cell phone wallpaper, I have remembered to take a moment each day to inspire myself with God’s love/ creation/ word/ song/ etc. Now I’m going to extend that to the other weeks of this course and beyond…I’m going to find a picture for each element discussed in this class and put them in front of myself for 1 week each month (for the next year) to remind myself to keep the spiritual elements in balance. So, off I go to search for some fire, water and earth pics!

Posted by amyodland

Wind: The Inspired Life 1 (Essentials Formation)

Originally published 3/14/10 on Blogger:

 

For: The Essentials Formation Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt

Dan asked us this week “What inspires you?” and I couldn’t think of something right away, so I started a list. One of the things I came up with that inspires me was driving and singing in the car by myself. Well, I don’t usually get the chance to do that and if I do, it’s mainly for a quick errand like to the grocery store late at night after I’ve got the kids in bed (so hubby doesn’t have to try to do that). But, an unexpected opportunity came up today for me to take a road trip…to make a short story long, my grandpa has been in the hospital and is now in hospice. My mom doesn’t drive and wanted to go be with him again (she just got home yesterday, riding back with my uncle and aunt) so I drove her the 2 hours to get there. And, since she was staying until tomorrow, I had the 2 hours back to myself.

It was a little different from my usual ‘inspiring’ time alone when I reflect on what is happening in my life right now, what I need to improve on, what I need to stop doing, etc. The cloak of death hung over my thoughts as I sang along with the music and watched the scenery go by. Soon, everything had a clearer, deeper meaning…even the graceful flight of a field hawk in the air moved me. Needless to say, the Kleenex box was close by so I didn’t have to get in an accident to reach for the tissues!! haha

At one point I thought about how I’m raising my kids – am I raising them to want to come take care of me someday when I’m old and dying? The studying and memorizing of Proverbs 31 I’ve done lately came to mind along with other verses in Proverbs…about building up or tearing down your ‘house’. I need to be better about building up, especially with my words. I also thought about how often, and how easily, the little things of life become so big. WHY do we worry so and fret about things that just don’t matter?? Maybe I’m the only one that does this…but, I’m guessing not. 🙂 It’s easy to get caught up in the ‘tyranny of the urgent’ instead of focusing on the eternal in all we do.

I didn’t have the cd with me, but thought about the words to Jim Cowan’s “When It’s All Been Said and Done“….(as done by Robin Mark, my favorite version – I suppose it has something to do with my being a flute player tee hee)

When it’s all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for You?

When it’s all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I’ve done
For love’s reward
Will stand the test of time

Lord, Your mercy is so great
That You look beyond our weakness
That You found purest gold in miry clay
Turning sinners into saints

I will always sing Your praise
Here on earth and in heaven after
For You’ve shown me heaven’s my true home
When it’s all been said and done
You’re my life when life is gone.

When it’s all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for You?
Lord I’ll live my life for You.

So, obviously I’ve gotten some wind in my sails this week – which could be considered bad because of the reason for my trip (my grandpa’s impending death) but also good, because this element is an area of weakness for me. I need to follow Dan’s advice about scheduling some regular ‘wind’ time…time to inspire and move my soul to continue living my life for my awesome God! Lastly, to remind myself of Dan’s story of his friend manuevering the sails and being expertly trained to do so, I’ve added the picture below to my desktop as a visual cue to remember to pursue my ‘sailing training’…to continue growing in God’s Word, being diligent and obedient to His commands, so I can expertly manuever through the trials of life by finding the wind I need to give power to my sails.

Posted by amyodland

Earth: A Grounded Life (Essentials Formation)

Originally published 3/12/10 on Blogger:

For: The Essentials Formation Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt
Week 1 is done and I’ve done all of my assignments…except for the optional reading of “Devotional Classics” by Foster and Smith. I had read quite a bit in that book before the class, and I plan to return to it at some point but 120 pgs were just too much to read this week!

I had stated that Earth was one of my stronger elements and of course, after reflecting and studying this week, I now feel I have much growing to do! Isn’t that how it usually works? You feel like you’ve got things figured out, only to find that you have barely made a dent in all there is to ‘figure out’?

In the past 15 months (since my youngest was born), I have fluctuated in my patterns/routines quite a bit – to the point that my daily devotions have fluctuated and suffered as well. But, at the beginning of this year, I wanted to reestablish some of my older, better habits and also refresh them by pushing myself just a little bit harder. For example, I have done scripture memorization in the past. I got the routine a number of years ago from Tim LaHaye’s book “How to Study the Bible for Yourself” and, with the Spirit’s help, got quite a few verses memorized in a short amount of time. Then I took a couple of years to review and ruminate on those verses…but, I did not add any new verses to my regimen and found the habit grew stale because of that. Now, I’ve started memorizing again and was motivated to do longer passages to help stretch my Spiritual muscles. I’ve been doing the Master Track on Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ website http://www.reviveourhearts.com/.

While I know I have much to learn still, I have been encouraged through mentoring a younger gal for the past year because I have seen how far I’m come, by God’s grace, since I first became a believer. Now, don’t think I’m sitting with my mentee thinking “I’m so much better than you” in a pompous sort of voice! haha I just mean that I remember going through many of the same struggles she is and how God worked those out in my life. And, I can see how she sets herself up for mistakes/falls that I also used to do to myself in my selfishness and sinfulness.

I am obviously not perfect now nor will I be in this life, but isn’t it helpful to reflect on how far we’ve come on the path with God…to see all He’s done in us, through His power and mercy? Instead of constantly beating ourselves up for messing things up again or making another mistake, we should take the time to stop and reflect on the work God has done in us. And then take time to thank Him for His faithfulness in guiding us, helping us, pushing us, and forgiving us. Reflecting on what God has done in us, we can be encouraged to continue on, through His power to fight the good fight and keep the faith.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Posted by amyodland

Day 1 – Essentials in Spiritual Formation

Originally published on 3/5/10 on Blogger:

 

For: The Essentials Formation Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt

So, here we are…I’m on Day 1 of my Essentials in Spiritual Formation class thru worshiptraining.com. I’m feeling a bit out of my ‘element’ though because 1) I’ve never taken a class online before, 2) I’ve never blogged before, and 3) I’ve only led worship a few times at women’s events at our church (as far as I know, women are not allowed to lead on Sunday mornings).

A little about my current ‘worship’ position: I’m serving at our church on one of 3 worship teams as a musician (sing and play flute mostly) and as the music planner. We have a rotation of the teams to cover Sunday mornings, so our team plays a couple times a month. I have been doing this for about 4 years now – and, I have only been a believer for a little over 7! I have enjoyed learning about worship along the way and have soaked up as much as I can from the Word in the short time I’ve been a follower of Christ. I have been married for 14 years and have 3 children – ages 10, 8 and 15 months.

I am excited about the class, especially because it was free. haha Just kidding! Really, I’m excited about reflecting on the Elements and growing in my worship life. I have really felt a pull from God lately to focus more on my service in worship ministry. In the past, I was involved in the Prayer Ministries and Women’s Ministries of our church as well (this was all before my 15 month old arrived – now I spend more time at home) This seems to be the ‘let’s grow Amy’ month as I’m also taking a continuing education class for renewing my teaching license (I used to be a band teacher and keep up my license as a ‘Plan B’ if something happened to my husband and I had to return to work). That class is about how the brain works…so, by mid-April, I should be not only be knowledgable about the elements of worship but also about how my brain remembers/processes/stores the things I’ve learned in my Spiritual Formation class!

Dan said I’m starting a pilgrimage, “a physical journey with a spiritual destination.” I anticipate with joy the growth that will occur during this time. On the funny side, I know it will be a ‘physical’ journey as there will probably be quite a few times that I’ll have to physically remove my baby from the trouble he’s getting into while I’m listening to my assignments. But on the serious side, I eagerly desire to discover the fountain from which my life finds its power, to draw closer to the God of all creation as He opens my eyes and develops the gifts He’s placed in me. As they say (whoever ‘they’ is), “it’s not the destination that matters, but the journey”…so I will not only look forward to what I will know at the end of my classes and the enlightened person I will be but will also revel in the beauty I find along the path as I go through the journey.

Blessings!

Amy

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