By Rachel Person
“Because I said so.”
“I don’t know why and neither does anyone else.”
“It’s just the way it is.”
“You don’t need to know the reason, you just need to listen and obey.”
“Because that’s how we’ve always done it.”
These answers to my numerous and sometimes incessant childhood questions were never sufficient enough for me. As an inquisitive and curious child who grew up to be an adult with an insatiable love of learning and discovering, I have always needed to know the WHY. (the who, what, when, and where are good too ☺) Needless to say, I like details. All of them. I love piecing the world together and seeing how it all fits. My personality and the way my brain sees and processes the world means that the above answers will do nothing but frustrate me. When I was younger, if someone gave me a generic, cardboard answer to one of my questions (probably because they didn’t know or didn’t want to take the time to explain it), I would find a way to discover the truth myself (needless to say I LOVED my encyclopedias) Anyone who knows me now knows I am constantly researching and looking things up on a wide variety of topics. I love random facts of knowledge as well as learning about anything new. Unfortunately, I discovered quickly as a child that there are questions that can’t be answered with a nice, tidy, perfect little “box with a bow on top” answer; and it’s something I still wrestle with as an adult today.
My oldest child, Charis, basically spent her entire childhood competing as a gymnast and it truly was a passion and gift that God had blessed her with. She swiftly and quickly moved up the competitive levels and by age 10 was already competing as a level 10 gymnast, which is the highest level of competition below elite gymnasts. When she was 14, she was invited to come to the Karolyi Ranch in Texas and train at the USA Gymnastics National Team Training Center. Of course, she was thrilled and her heart was ecstatic to think that after years of hard work and all of the countless hours of training, her dream was becoming a reality. As her mother, I was so proud of her and happy to see Charis’ determination, tenacity, perseverance and dedication being recognized with a chance of a lifetime being offered to her – to pursue the possibility of becoming an elite gymnast and eventually go to the Olympics.
Charis and I had our tickets booked for Texas and two days before we were to leave, she broke her elbow in practice badly enough to require surgery. As you can imagine, she was devastated. My heart ached for her and that child-like, give-me-an-answer-now voice in me wanted to scream “WHY?” at the top of my lungs. Any parent who has watched their child in a moment of pain, hurt, frustration or hopelessness knows EXACTLY what I mean. I was angry. Angry at the situation that was out of anyone’s control. Angry at God for allowing this to happen. Angry that I couldn’t fix the situation (because that’s what moms do best). Angry that my daughter may have just lost the chance of a lifetime. Angry that I had to hold it all together for everyone else and especially Charis (because that is also what moms do best). I vividly remembering praying (really it was me questioning and trying to get some answers) to God and begging him to show me the WHY for all of this. I had always told myself up until this point that God had reasons for why things happened the way they did, even if I didn’t always understand them. I had also told my children this, especially in the hardest of times. In this moment though, I just didn’t believe it. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. In all honesty, I felt like God “owed” it to Charis to allow her dream to become a reality and I was angry that His timing had closed this door on this once in a lifetime possibility. Charis, with her determined and competitive attitude continued to compete at the highest level of gymnastics for 2 more years, but endured injury after injury during that time. Her surgeries from gymnastics totaled seven, and it was more apparent than ever that, although there wasn’t a reason our finite minds understood, God’s plan for Charis’ life as a gymnast was different than hers.
Fast forward twelve years. I have an amazingly successful 26 year old daughter who has graduated from medical school and is currently an OB/GYN resident. She used the life lessons she learned through gymnastics, along with the other obstacles, hurdles, roadblocks and detours life threw at her over the years, to make her stronger and even more focused, determined and tougher than she already was. Last month, God the supreme architect, hit me with a 2×4 as I read headline after headline detailing the sexual abuse of gymnasts at the Karolyi Ranch by the team doctor, Larry Nassar. In that moment, God answered my WHY that had been so heavy on my heart for so many years. Do I know that Charis would’ve been abused there? No. But God does. And as the puzzle pieces fit together, I wept as I felt the protection and love that God had shown for Charis by keeping her from making that trip to Texas so many years ago. I was reminded (as I have been on so many occasions) that I need to trust that God truly does have our best interests at heart, even when it doesn’t make sense or the WHY isn’t clear. Ultimately, the scars from seven surgeries pale in comparison to the scars that could’ve been left forever had Charis gone to Karolyi Ranch. God, in his infinite wisdom, knew better than all of us what He was doing and what plans He had for Charis. My heart aches for all of the innocent girls that had to endure the abuse from that monster of a man, but I’m so thankful that God protected Charis. Today, I am thankful for a broken elbow 12 years ago. Tomorrow, although I still may not like it, I’ll be much more patient, understanding and trusting of when God is silent or simply gives me this answer to my questions:
Dear Rachel,
“Because I said so.”
Love, God
“’For I know the plans I have for you’ says the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.’”
Jeremiah 29:11
Rachel Person…
is a married, Midwest, mother of 5. She’s an ENFP, coffee addicted, sunshine adoring, outdoor adventuring, jeep driving, adrenaline addict. As a 2 time American Ninja Warrior competitor, she’s an energetic, eternal optimist with a passion for pull-ups, photography, and people.
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